Sometimes it is obvious what winds us up. Other times it is not. If we are in the habit of suppressing anger by pretending everything is fine, we may lose sight of our triggers until they accumulate over time and we reach a point where we lash out.

As human beings, we have limits, therefore it helps to be mindful of our accumulating stressors. It is useful to realise, and know when it is all getting to be too much before we reach the snapping point.

Some of our needs we can meet solely on our own, while others involve depending on other people to help us to meet our needs. At times we don't communicate to others what we need because we just expect them to know.

Other times we don't communicate our needs as we may fear they express our vulnerability - we may judge ourselves for being selfish or needy. Sometimes we are just simply not aware ourselves of what it is we actually need, so there is little chance of communicating it.

Sometimes, other emotions such as sadness, disappointment, disillusionment or hurt live beneath our anger - depression can sometimes be accompanied by feelings of anger. We find it easier and sometimes safer to express anger rather than feelings that suggest our vulnerability. Anger can be described as a secondary emotion at times.

Sometimes it can help to catch the early warning signs of mounting anger in our bodies so we can remove ourselves from a situation or maybe change the subject of a conversation.

We can improve how we notice where the sensations occur in our bodies which we associate with the feeling of anger. We can develop an early warning system.

Sometimes perfectionism can play a role in setting sky-high expectations leading to anger when expectations are not reached. Oftentimes misunderstanding occurs - how clear are we in our communication?

The values and standards we use to calibrate our expectations may not be truly ours, but introjected values and standards absorbed by us from our family, community or culture.

A deeper exploration of our values can bring us into closer contact with what is truly important to us, helping us make better decisions aligned with who we truly are and what we can reasonably expect from ourselves, others and life in general.

Sometimes we don’t put healthy boundaries in place and leave ourselves open to exhaustion, manipulation and even exploitation. ‘People pleasing’ can be an example of this.

When feeling undervalued or disrespected, we can become angry and act the anger out in an unhealthy manner. If we had put the boundary in place in the first place, the angry resentment might not have started.

Or we can healthily use the anger felt from not putting boundaries in place in the past, to put boundaries in place in the future.

When we realise our anger reaction is out of proportion to the trigger, what part of us knows this (assuming we are not in denial about how angry we are getting)?

This can give us the opportunity to get in touch with old anger. Old anger is anger that has not been processed or healed which we continue to carry unconsciously or semi-consciously.

This phenomenon can also be known as an aspect of ‘transference’, where we unconsciously transfer unresolved feelings from our past onto the present interaction. We can be acting out of stored survival stress in our bodies from the past. This can sometimes explain why we are overreacting.

A psychological education about our nervous system and its mammalian heritage can at times help us lessen the sense of shame we might carry around our angry outbursts.

It can also help us develop more mindful awareness of our safety and threat responses.

As human beings, we are bound to feel anger. How we express it is key.

You might have grown up with the belief that feeling anger was ‘bad’ or shameful, and then either suppressed it or repressed it. Then it just blows up when the suppression or repression stops working.

Sometimes a chat with a trusted family member, friend or colleague can help regulate anger. Places near where we live often have pleasant natural open spaces where we can relax.

Some things give us comfort, either through smell, touch, taste or a pleasant aural sensation and not to forget a beautiful view of the sky, sea or mountains.

Healthy Anger Expression - Who do you know in your life that healthily expresses anger?

Unfortunately, we never learnt in school how to healthily and effectively regulate our emotions. Someone who does not get angry and stays calm all the time may be brilliantly suppressing or repressing their aner. How would we ever know?

Sometimes we turn anger inward at a potential cost to our physical health. One healthy anger processing skill is to simply name the emotion when feeling it or to colloquially put it, ‘name it to tame it’.

Often, if we can just say or announce to ourselves or to a trusted loved-one that, ‘I am feeling really angry right now’. Then this can take a lot of the power out of the intensity of the anger feeling and give us some time and space to make a helpful behavioural decision, assuming that dealing with the anger trigger is within our control.